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The best parties seem effortless. The fun starts as soon as you arrive and you can't believe when it's time to leave. But a successful party never is truly effortless. Proper planning will ensure guests have a wonderful time.
A wedding reception is no exception. There are so many things to consider: Should you have a receiving line? When should you cut the cake? Who gives the toast and when? Resolving these issues long before the big day will help make your wedding reception a success.
Cocktail Hour
The reception typically begins with cocktails as guests arrive at the venue. The length of the cocktail "hour" will depend on when you and the groom are arriving and how long you have the venue.
If the reception begins immediately following the ceremony and you haven't taken pictures, you may want to allow extra time for cocktails and hors d'oeuvres.
"While you are deciding when to take pictures and when to begin the reception, you need to consider the cocktail hour," says Stephanie Fagyal, a wedding planner with Details Event Coordinators and a recent bride. "You are on such a high after the ceremony and it's such a relaxing time to mingle with guests. It's sad to miss that opportunity. You may want to take pictures before the ceremony or allow some time between the end of the ceremony and the beginning of the reception."
"I've had couples choose to have a two-hour cocktail party before the reception. It gave them time to take pictures and gave the guests a place to go while they waited for the reception to begin. This works best when you have more space to work with. The party can flow from room to room. You don't want to have it in the same room as the reception," says Josie Littlepage, president of Cosmopolitan Events.
On the other hand, if you have limited time at your venue, you may want to shorten the cocktail hour.
"Consider how late you want the reception to run and work backwards," suggests Gayle Stertz, owner of Signature Wedding and Event Services. "You may only want 45 minutes for cocktails because of the time crunch from beginning to end."
Typically hors d'oeuvres are served at this time. The appetizers don't have to be fancy or expensive, particularly if you are trying to stick to a budget.
"When working with the caterer, ask how many appetizers they plan per item and per person. Ideally you want six pieces total per guest. Also, ask if the hors d'oeuvres are one-bite or two-bite. One-bite is easy, two-bite may be a little messier so make sure the servers carry napkins for guests," suggests Stertz.
If you didn't have a receiving line after the ceremony, now is the time to greet guests. However, you don't need to have the traditional line of people waiting to say hello.
"Something many brides do now is a more informal receiving line. You, your new husband and both of your parents stand together so you can greet everyone without making your guests stand in line. If they're standing in line, they aren't eating and drinking so you are wasting money on food and alcohol. Plus, waiting in line can take the fun out of it," says Fagyal.
Other couples forgo the reception line completely, opting to visit guests at their tables during dinner.
Newlywed Entrance
"What I've seen most is for the bride and groom to enjoy the cocktail hour and then be introduced into the dining room after everyone is seated," says Fagyal.
Some brides choose to include the attendants in the entrance. Who is introduced is completely your preference. If the attendants are listed in the ceremony program, you may not need to introduce them at the reception. But it is a nice way to recognize them.
"I don't advise people to introduce the wedding party if they are running short on time or if they don't have a head table. It looks choppy if the attendants are all headed to different tables," says Fagyal.
According to the professionals, this is the best time for cutting the cake. It allows the servers time to get the cake cut and plated to serve as dessert following dinner.
"I recommend having the cake on the dance floor so that after the bride and groom are introduced they can go directly to the wedding cake, cut it and then be seated," says Stertz.
Cheers and Toasts
This is one part of the reception that can go bad quickly. You want to limit the number of people giving toasts. Before meal service the welcome from the bride's father and the blessing should take place. Toasts from the Maid of Honor and Best Man can be done anytime during the evening. You may want to do them between dinner courses to maximize time for the band after dinner. Or you may choose to do the toasts while the band is taking a break. Just be sure to limit the number of people giving toasts. You don't want it to turn into open mic night.
Both Stertz and Littlepage recommend saving the toast for when dessert is served. "If you do the toast too early, your guests have just finished a cocktail and they are unlikely to drink a glass of champagne. If you wait until dessert to pour the champagne and toast the couple, the guests are more likely to linger over their champagne or get up and mingle with it after dessert. Plus, champagne is a nice accompaniment to the cake," says Stertz.
When deciding the appropriate time for toasts, also consider the food. The chef and staff are waiting to serve dinner. While your friends are toasting you, the salads are wilting and the meat is overcooking.
Dinner
There basically are three types of dinners: plated buffet, buffet stations and sit-down. Stertz says in her experience the formal sit-down dinner continues to be popular in St. Louis. The traditional long buffet table is the least popular. More common is the buffet station, a newer trend in wedding receptions. It takes the idea of the buffet but gives it a modern twist.
"The negative connotations of the traditional buffet are replaced by the fun of the buffet station," says Fagyal.
Rather than one long buffet table you have several stations around the room offering different types of food. It helps to spread people out so all the guests aren't standing in the same line waiting for food. Like the buffet, it allows people to eat at their own pace rather than the fixed schedule of the sit down meal.
It is important for you and your husband to eat first so you are free to do table visits with your guests. Also, keep in mind that some of your older guests may leave shortly after dinner. Make sure you visit those tables before your attention turns to the party.
First Dance
The bride and groom's first dance together is a tradition that perseveres through the years. This is one of the few quiet times you and your husband will have during the reception, so enjoy it.
"More and more I find that couples are taking dance lessons to prepare for the first dance. It's a wonderful surprise for guests and it helps the couple feel more at ease dancing in front of everyone," says Stertz.
The second dance usually is for the bride and her father. Stertz recommends having the groom and his mother join the dance about halfway through the song.
The third dance is for the wedding party, but guests are invited to join shortly into the song. This is a good way to get people up and dancing.
Party Time
This is the moment you are working up to. You want to get to the point where dinner has been served, the music has started and people are up and moving.
"About three quarters of the way through dessert the band should be set up and ready to go as soon as the guests are done with cake," says Stertz.
Prior to the reception you should meet with the band or DJ to discuss your musical preferences. "The whole reason you hire musicians is to keep the party going. Good bands and DJs are experienced and know how to read their audiences. They know what is working and what isn't. If you get too specific and tie the band to a list of songs, they won't be able to take creative freedom to play songs that are keeping your guests on the dance floor. Let them know your likes and dislikes. For my wedding, I was specific about excluding certain songs such as line dances or the chicken dance. But don't set ultimatums."
If you choose to do the garter and bouquet toss, do them during a break. Don't stop the party so you can toss the bouquet.
"If you have a group that is packing the dance floor and having a great time, then do the garter and bouquet toss. They'll probably get into it. But if you are have a group that isn't hitting the dance floor and you clear it to do the toss, chances are the floor isn't going to fill again. Keep the party going and keep interruptions to a minimum," says Fagyal.
Last Dance and Farewell
"The last dance isn't something I suggest to people, but it can really work out to be a special thing," says Fagyal. "I had my DJ play a certain song at the end of the reception. I just wanted to end the evening with the song and what happened spontaneously was that my husband and I started dancing and the guests formed a circle around us and danced with their arms around each other. It was a special memory."
Littlepage, on the other hand, does recommend to some couples that they choose a last dance song. "I think it's nice to go out on a really high note. Of course, it depends on the wedding but if it fits your timeline it's a neat thing to do," she says.
The tradition of the planned farewell has become less common. "Lots of brides want to stay until the very end. Others want to slip away without anyone really knowing it. Very few do the big sendoff," says Stertz.
"I don't see many farewells where the couple changes clothes and runs out to a waiting car. The one thing that can be dramatic is having a really nice car, such as a vintage Rolls Royce, pull up to get the couple as they are leaving. It's very neat with an outdoor, tented reception," says Littlepage.
There are pros and cons to planning a farewell. If it's something you have your heart set on doing, plan it ahead. "I've had it when we've planned an elaborate exit and when it comes time for the bride to get ready to depart she doesn't want to leave her guests. Plus you don't get to do the slow goodbyes with your family and friends. On the other hand, the pictures are fantastic," says Fagyal.
This article was contributed by Saint Louis Bride Magazine.
If you have questions or comments about this article, please email their editor at
nancy.slade@wheremagazine.com.
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